乏

发现最近的自己缺乏写部落格的耐力。总觉得自己写的东西太累赘了。写了一大堆东西却没写到要点。结果就被删除了。很闷纳。为什么会这样呢？缺乏阅读？还是最近实在“蒲”太多了，心都散？嗯……我想大概是这样吧！因为最近太过放纵自己的生活，总在玩乐中渡过，所以才会失去思考的能力以及写作的动力吧！不能啦！得好好学习控制自己的欲望。想做的未必是该做的。不能只沉醉在玩乐中，这只是短暂的快乐，却会寝食我的人生。让自己过得有价值些吧！

偶然发生的趣事（其一）

以下是一件我很久以前就想分享的趣事：

日期：2月10日
时间：早上9。30分
地点：HK LAND 办公室
主要人物：Jimmy & Candy

事情经过：
由于前一天是我们在Hard Rock Cafe的周年晚宴，所以大家都拍了好些照片。高效率的Jimmy是第一个准备好照片的人。这天早上，他很得意地带着他的thumb drive来公司。然后第一个就打算分享给Candy。以下是他们俩的对话：
Jimmy：Candy，你的电脑有没有USB的插座？我先把这些照片放进你的电脑。
Candy：我不知道耶。。怎样的？
（这时我们这些八卦的同事就插嘴说：”有的有的！一定有的。现在的电脑大多数都有的。你看看CPU的下面，通常在那边的。“）
Jimmy：嗨呀！我来帮你看啦！（走过去看）呢。。这个咯！（这时Jimmy很用力地尝试把thumb drive插进USB插座里）
Jimmy：Candy你以前有没有用过这个USB插座的噢？这么难插的？
（这时八卦的我们又插嘴：”嗨哟，Candy连USB插座的存在都不知道，大概没用过吧？！“）
Candy：是咯！我没有用过的咧。。
Jimmy：那你（的电脑）不是virgin？
（这时Candy一头雾水，因为她不懂什么是Virgin，可是我们已经笑成一团了）
Jimmy（继续说）：那我不是帮你（的电脑）开苞了？
（这时Candy似乎略有所悟，所以她开始使出她装傻的绝技，而我们这些很”邪“的同事就开始起哄〕
Christine：唷～～Jimmy你就不对啦，做么你开candy的苞？
Jimmy：下一个轮到你，你的开苞了没有？
Christine：早就开到不开咯。
………

结果这一堆人就在这种暧昧言语下结束了这个照片分享会。但是这一切尚未结束。因为自此以后，我们总爱以”开苞“来形容第一次启用的东西。Cindy有一天无意间使用了这个字眼，然后吐出一句：”Jimmy的开苞很好用。“呵呵呵～我极度赞成！因为现在我偶尔会无意识地吐出一句”开苞“，也很常有意识地把那句”开苞“吞回肚子里去。哈哈～虽然粗俗了一些，可是还蛮好用的嘛～=D

农历新年

农历新年soon！这个新年我放一星期的假，行程暂时还没满：
年初一：新年勤行会，之后看看到底要回家会uncle、aunty，还是和在新年勤行会中相遇的朋友外出。
年初二、三：空闲。可能和父母出外拜年
年初四、五：空闲。其中一天可能和朋友来一个KL一天游
年初六：初步计划－－可能和另一个gang的朋友去看NORBIT
年初七：地域会馆开幕，参与歌唱演出
年初八：听说合唱团的朋友要去声乐老师家拜年
年初九：不懂要做什么。纯粹因为表姐没上班所以一起请假。=p
年初十：开工咯！

很空闲咧！想起去年的这段日子，我疯狂地看电影。一个星期进了四次的戏院。简直破了我一直以来的记录！哈哈！同时也让我想起了某人。一个在去年新年开始熟络，却因为某些问题而渐行渐远的朋友。最近这几天都在想他。他是个很好的朋友。可惜，我不能主动联络他。
本打算和綮彦、家劲、欣霓来个KL一日游。可是现在却觉得越来越奇怪了。没错我的确很期待大家边走边拍照聊天冒险的时光。可是我却又觉得，这么一伙人出来逛的感觉和我本来想要的不一样。其实，如果安全程度允许的话，我会比较喜欢自己一个人到处走走停停的感觉。比较自由，不必为下一步的不合意见而争吵。可是我也知道这样是行不通的。自己一个人的话会很危险，也需要很大很大的勇气去抵抗寂寞的感觉。再说，綮彦和家劲会带同女朋友一起出游，这样下来气氛就又不一样了。有友情又有爱情，感觉有些复杂。可是我觉得让他们带女朋友一起来是应该的。至少他们的女朋友能更广阔探索自己另一半所接触的人事物。这情况就像如果有一天我有了男朋友，我也希望能大概认识他的朋友一样。是对对方的了解，是应该的。对我而言，他们肯带女朋友一起出来不但是对他们感情的肯定，也是对我们这友情的肯定。因为这些朋友对他们重要，所以才有必要让自己的另一半了解。本来还在考虑着我和欣霓是否该各自带一位“男朋友”出来调和一下。可是后来发现这个想法还真的蛮幼稚。哈哈～很shit的咯，我差点就被他们两个弄到我想拍拖。还好及时清醒过来。寂寞在作祟而已。我还需要更多的空间去伸展，不适宜在这个非常时期让感情事束缚自己。所以，我们的计划如预料般进行吧。顶多我和欣霓假假搞les而已。=p不过，如果欣霓不能去的话我就不用去了。免得对见那两对couple“眼冤”咯。哈哈～

新的……

新年新形象，新Title。偶尔转换口味也该很不错。虽然我会接受不来。哈哈～习惯就好。

这个

这是我很喜欢的一张照片。是我从Grace那儿下载的。那是我们4+1 in love在grace离开远赴澳洲以及綮彦结婚以前的最后一次聚餐。照片中的每一个人看起来都很好看。我已经把这张照片放在我公司电脑的desktop。平时不爱把公司system的page拉下来的我，在换上这张照片以后就有了很大的转变。现在，除非我需要用那个system来检查东西，否则我的银幕显示的一定是这一张照片。甚至有时侯我会看着电脑银幕中的照片发呆，然后才忽然发现自己失礼了，慌张地看看是否被周围的同事看到我这一副陶醉的模样，然后再继续工作。哈哈～很想念我们五人共渡的日子。或许以后的感觉不再一样，可是我们却曾经拥有。忽然觉得我们之间就犹如昙花。刹那的璀璨，然后在一片怀念中遽然消逝。

找新工作

不知道是不是因为靠近新年的关系，我最近这几天在公司得空得不得了。今天甚至“沦落”到靠收拾橱柜来打发时间，真是“折堕”咯。（哈哈～）再这样下去，恐怕我必须找定另一份工作，免得在三月期满时被人踢走，然后又必须靠量地来度日。须知道，我家范围并不大，在我等待中五成绩的当儿已经把家中的每一寸地量好了，所以不必再重复。那么，三月后我又该做些什么呢？我想试些没有试过的东西。嗯……做推销员？不要。我的脸皮很薄而已，不要。去报馆找兼职？嗯…值得考虑可是可能不大。Next…！又找回类似的office工？好好！薪水高时间稳定，GOOD！呃…刚才谁说要试新东西？哈哈～说说而已啦。像现在这个时势，我们这些等成绩的中六生能找到工做已经很好啦，别要求这么多了。呵呵呵～～
呃……说了这么久都还没说到重点。有谁的谁谁谁的公司需要人吗？两个月的临时工，三月开工，要不要？要不要？为什么不要？这是个人才来的。。=p

叹。。。

我爱笑，爱傻傻地笑。不是因为我真的傻（或许也有“一点”吧！哈哈～），而是我觉得傻笑的我不会让人有压力。傻笑的我也能得到更多人的疼爱。傻笑的我还可以让身边的人觉得开心。
可是最近的我却似乎失去了那股“傻劲”。脸上的表情会在不知不觉中绷紧；谈吐间或会表现出丝丝的不耐烦。我觉得我不再如以前般可爱了。我觉得自己很虚伪。我不再体贴，不再懂得体谅别人。我会渴望更多更多的关注。我希望别人能理解我。我希望我能达到某某人般的水准。我变得爱更比较了！有时想到这儿，我会觉得很难过。我怎么变成这样了？我是怎么了？我知道自己变得傲慢了，可是却对自己束手无策。怎么办？
唉……来人啊！把这个傲慢的家伙拖出去狠狠地打，直到悔过为止！

重温曾有的笑靥……

无聊的疯狂

自从巴士系统更改以后我一直很想做一件无聊至极的疯狂事件。哈哈～我很想找一天，从早上就从某个地方乘搭巴士，然后坐该辆巴士走一圈，回到原地或其他地方换另一辆巴士，再兜一大圈。一直这样“游巴士河”直到自己累了，找个地方歇下，然后再继续。为什么会有这样的想法呢？或许是因为常常看见某某巴士却不知道该巴士会通往何处而有所感慨，继而产生想探索的念头吧！再说，实在有一种想摆脱自己是“路痴”的形象。嗯……又或许，想趁机放肆一下吧！这个念头萦绕我已经有一段很长的时间，可是我却从未付诸行动。我想，这个农历新年我该“采取行动”了。再拖下去，恐怕连自己也会觉得自己幼稚。嗯……有谁也想疯狂一下吗……？

情人节

又到了情人节！和以往一样，今年的情人节还是没有情人地过，可是却还是一样跟父母一起渡过（唉……又多做一年的大光灯）。出乎我意料之外的是，今年我不特别期待，也不会因为没有和朋友庆祝而感到失望。相反的，我拒绝了几位朋友的邀请（没办法，过年的新装没办好）。有点奇怪为什么会有这样的差异。然后自己做了多个结论：
1) 今年的这个时间没有太多压力，所以不会特别寂寞
2) 最近常常和朋友外出，反而会希望能好好待在家“养精储锐”准备在农历新年大玩特玩（呵呵～）
3) 今年的情人节没有和农历新年撞在一起，所以气氛不浓
4) 因为今年情人节不再被人遗忘。哈哈～有朋友想约我单独出外，虽然只是普通的聚餐，甚至是逗我的玩笑，可是我还是会很“认真”地当真！哇哈哈～更重要的是，今天一早就收到grace的祝福讯息。呵呵～一个好开始！接下来又陆陆续续收到几位久未联络的朋友的讯息。wow～开心。呵呵。。
所以咯，即使是单身地过又如何？只要自己觉得快乐，只要身边还有朋友的支持就好。yeah～ =p

朋友变情人再变朋友

归家途中听到这一首由品冠演绎的歌。虽然这歌的感觉和今天的气氛不太相衬，可是却也说出了某些人的心声，尤其在这样“敏感”的季节里更让曾经拥有过的人感到唏嘘。忽然想到一个朋友，他和她应该也是朋友变情人再变朋友吧？感觉如何呢？哈哈～我不是当事人都觉得这种滋味很难受，更何况他亲身体会过。嗯……忽然在想，如果朋友之间还不够默契去爱的话，那就不要在一起了。很多时候我们并不是真正的需要情人。我们只是被自己的寂寞混淆了，把朋友之间的体贴感受为爱，一起后才又发现原来彼此只适合做朋友。然后，分开。距离却比朋友更远……

黄品冠 - 朋友变情人再变朋友

安静的房间 还有你的温柔
躺在棉被上 看着多的枕头
为何分手后 回忆就被偷走
爱情走到尽头 是否可以做朋友
你和我以前是朋友 心情不错
就想约你走走
你要电影 我听你唱歌
我们总是无话不说
还能做朋友
或许这是最好的结果
朋友变情人再变朋友
谁懂这坎坷
爱上你以后 愉悦很轻松
现实太残酷 梦中你会拥抱我
当爱上以后 如今我们分手
我变成情歌手
是唱太多太多bala歌
你和我现在是朋友
你那么好 却只能做朋友
你装冷漠 我装无所谓
我们如何要求更多
还能做朋友
或许这是最好的结果
朋友变情人再变朋友
只能显真格
你和我以前是朋友
心情不错
就想约你走走
你聊电影 我听你唱歌
我们总是无话不说
还能做朋友
或许这是最好的结果
朋友变情人再变朋友
谁懂这坎坷
你和我现在是朋友
你那么好 却只能做朋友
你装冷漠 我装无所谓
我们如何要求更多
还能做朋友
或许这是最好的结果
朋友变情人再变朋友
只能显真格
朋友变情人再变朋友
祝我们快乐

i'm 60% normal!

You Are 60% Normal

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

with grace, for grace

it's ady 9th feb! grace is gonna leave us few days later. i felt really.. erm.. actually i really don't know what should i feel. i should feel happy for her as she got the chance to explore herself oversea. but at the same time, i felt like a bit lost. she's the person i depend the most in choir.
yesterday night grace, qiyan, karking, hsin ni and i have had a dinner + movie session at timesquare. at first we thought to have only a chating session as we might not have much chance to talk to grace after this. but then we changed our plan. we decided to go for a movie as well. after movie it's about 11.30pm already. while waiting for grace's friend to come fetch her for her next round of gathering, we took photo at timesquare main entrance. don't know why while taking photo i felt really heavy. i tried to grab every nice scene to take photo with her.. opps.. is with all.. then her friend came. i asked for a hug before she leave. hmm.. now only i realised i didn't hug her since my last GFG camp. now might be the last time for this 2 years. shit.. then i received her message while i'm on the way home. shit.. it made me more heavy to let her go. it sound like we'll never meet each other before she leave. but i told her we'll still got chance. hehe.. it's another secret plan from us.
anyway, for me i think she would felt more heavy than us. cos for us, we only unable to see grace for two years. but for her, she might not have much chance to see us before she graduate. she gotta adapt with the whole new environment and start again a new in australia. however, i believe that it will be another victory experience for her. that's grace! a tough girl fulled with determination. never have a step backward once she decided. that's why i admire her a lot. and that's the reason she can earn so many people's respect and love..
grace, i'll miss you and will still love you. you'll always be in my top 5 list! all the best for your study and new life in aus! love you! muack! =)

saturday night's story

yeah it's my lunch time now! while waiting for my food to be backed, i try to write something here. hmm.. let's continue with my saturday's story. after i reached the timesquare's bus stop it's ady 5pm. i waited for around 10min but still cannot see any bus passed by. hence, i decided to walk to hang tuah LRT station then get my bus at maluri station. sms-ed kuang cheng to inform him i'll be home late. he said it's ok, they can wait for me. =)
i reached home about 6.15pm (gosh! it should be the time i depart from house for my gathering). called kuang cheng to tell him i need to take a shower first. then he said ok cos after he fetch kai lun and yee cheng it would be around 7pm ady. phew~ thought i cant attend tim..
about 7pm kuang cheng arrived my house. then we go for our next destination, lee lin house before we go "meuwaki"(does it spell like this? no i think. haha). kia yeow, ka hoo, and shih mun ady there when we arrived. we start to chat while waiting for pei shan and others. suprisingly, that night i felt myself getting close with them. i seldom talk with them while my f6 life. erm.. i mean we did chat but not that much la.. at least i rarely join their activities like sing k session, dinner(s), yum cha(s) or lunch(s). not more than 10 times in my entired f6 life. =(
most of us changed appearantly but our talking style still in the same way. muahaha~ most of them being a temporary teacher and that's the reason our table full of children's story. ka hoo told us how he "treat n trick" his students and how bad manner the parents were. felt sad with those parent's attitude he mentioned. they thought they are proctecting their children but actually they spoiled their future. how come a mum can help her son to copy other student's anwers and give the excuse like this, "my son is not able to finish his homeworks cos his speed is kinda slow". she ady show his son the wrong way to solve his problem! not able to finish mean they can copy other's answers? it's not fair for others and it lost the meaning of study lor.. if the homework is really burden her son then she can voice out and ask for more attention from the school authority. but copy answer is definately not the way! but i don't think ka hoo showed the right way to respond to the situation also. he ignored them and leave the scene full with anger. why don't he try to explain to the parent? sigh.. but if i'm in his place i might do the same also. people nowaday are really stubborn. anyway, i think well communication should exist between school authority and the parents lor.. both should have the equal right to voice out opinion. not depend on how much money you contribute or how powerful you are, but how's the ideas help the children to become a better person. sigh.. i miss the way tadika ser soka teach the children and the way they communicate with parents. the humanity education.

my date with karking! =p

last saturday i have had a packed yet wonderful day! morning as usual i went for work. after work, i become very 'gan jiong'. because i'd 'dated' one of my 'lover', karking to go timesquare look for grace's album. out of my expectation, i can't get the bus even i'd been waited for 30 min. felt worried as i scared karking might waiting for me. keep sms with him while waiting for the bus. then only i knew he also trapped in the traffic. after don't know how long, the bus came. i reached timesquare around 2pm but kk was still jam in the traffic. hence, i decided to shop at borders while waiting. saw some interesting books but i don't have enough money to buy. too expensive.
finally, kk called and told me he reached! yes! met him at the main entrance then we walk to our destination, sungai wang. both of us haven't take lunch that time hence we go for lunch at 'yao yat qiun' restaurant before we shop for what we want. there's damn full that day. no ideas of why the people are willing to pack in such a small restaurant but i'd became one of them. =p
while taking lunch we exchanged our ideas of how the album should be. at last both of us agreed to look for a nice photo album then put some photos and create some stories inside. after we got the rough idea, we start to look for our dream's album.
we'd shopped few places in sungai wang but still cannot get it. in the process, i really amazed of kk's pro spirit. everytime i thought there's the last shop we can search, he will guide me to another shop which got another choices. hmm.. i think that's the result of he always dating with his girl friend here. hehe.. finally, we got our dream album at parkson! yes! it's really nice and both of us like it very much! look class and like grace's style. hehe.. after we bought our album, another problem came out, "what colour's paper should we buy to write our story?" the album is black hence we bought some shining colour papers to 'chan' it. of course we bought some black colour paper to stand by. after we done all the things it's ady 5pm. gosh! i still got gathering later! kuang cheng will come fetch me around 7pm. shit lor.. can't decorate our album on the spot. sigh.. no choice, we finally decided to decorate it on the next day, with qy n hn as well. hmm.. that's another story, dun mix here. =p so, that day we only go this far. bought everything we need then dismissed.
conclusion: it's my second time to go out with a guy alone and it made me really 'gan jiong' lor.. but since kk is my best friend so i just try to ignore my stupid feeling and try to be calm. at first i feel a bit not comfortable with the strange feeling as i'd used to hang out with my girl friends or a big gang of friends. but lama kelamaan i'd used with it. hehe.. what a good experience of mine. =)

might be our last date.. =(

looking forward for tomorrow's date! love you all! =)

忘记爱过

like this song. like the melody and the lyrics. =)

忘记爱过 -张栋梁

说寂寞说心痛说脆弱
那不是我作风
你不懂我难过你想走
我全看在眼中
我们已错过那么多
你有你的梦
我有我坦然的自由
我们还能拥有什么
能不能继续挽留
是什么让你迷惑选择了孤独
是什么让这一切变成了荒芜
曾经的拥有这样被蹉跎
爱过你恨过你
的证据一一闪过
在孤单的这一边
变成了包袱
在幸福的那一边
已成了败诉
放逐所有的心痛
也许痛哭就能狠下心
忘记爱过

错过。失去

今天的心情很沉重。忽然发现原来我曾经错过了很多，也即将失去某些我依赖的。
上周六和中六同学来了一个小小的聚会。席间和大家也总算有蛮多的交流。可是不懂为什么，忽然有一种很遗憾的感觉涌上心头。我错过了和他们穿着白衣蓝裙一起胡闹的生活。中六，我要求自己过得中归中举，不得为任何事坏了学业。为此，我放弃了许多和他们深入交往的机会。可是到最后，我还是被自己打败，没有得到全程的胜利。而且还错失了珍贵的友谊。忽然很怀念那间教室，怀念当天的情怀与气氛。虽然他们孩子气，可是却相处得很愉快。
周日，和合唱团的朋友一起去看淑霞的比赛。看见其他人都相处得很融洽。忽然觉得自己成了局外人。原来我一直活在自己的小小空间里，所以不断地错过、错失。如果再度让我重来我会不会用另一种方式去渡过？不会。我想，我太缺乏安全感了。我不敢踏出属于我的小小空间，因为我恐惧那拒绝的眼神。我就这样一直躲在我觉得安全，觉得受欢迎的地方。可是现在，我的小小空间产生变化。和俐磷的距离开始变得遥远了，我觉得自己越来越不了解她了，尽管我很努力地想追赶上她的消息，可是最后还是失败了。而我最依赖的4+1 in love也开始不一样了。grace要离开，綮彦也要结婚了。照片中五人的关系不变，可是感觉却开始不一样了。grace离开后会有不一样的生活，回来后可能会和我们变得生疏。綮彦婚后不可能还这么吊儿浪当常常出来和我们“混”吧？有了家室就该多花时间精神去守护自己的家庭呀！那么，本来的4+1 in love就不一样了。以后要看电影，首个询问的对象还是他们吗？当我想喝茶或出来逛逛时，他们还能配合吗？我不敢想像。我实在想太多，太多虑了吧？我一直相信，我们的生活里不会因为少了谁而无法活下去。即使是失去生命中最重要的人，也会因时间的流逝而变得淡泊。身边的新脸孔将取代旧的记忆。可是，那感觉却永远不会一样了。
不……！不能这样。我讨厌这样的感觉，我不喜欢这么窝囊的自己。我讨厌自己为自己的决定而感到遗憾。不行，我必须改变自己的心情。再次发现，我的确是个很任性的人。总是离不开依赖，总爱在某些时候耍赖，总希望得到别人的认同。都已经不小了，别再孩子气了，好不好？收起你的任性，鼓起勇气，坚强地面对生活吧！